Apr 30, 2010

Get On It

If you don't lick those things, I will.

Get on that shit, big boy.

Apr 29, 2010

George Will Goes All Gardener On Mexicans


George Will is a classic rich, white douchebag. And because of that he doesn't want other white people getting up in Arizona's business.

Non-Hispanic Arizonans of all sorts live congenially with all sorts of persons of Hispanic descent. These include some whose ancestors got to Arizona before statehood — some even before it was a territory. They were in America before most Americans’ ancestors arrived. Arizonans should not be judged disdainfully and from a distance by people whose closest contacts with Hispanics are with fine men and women who trim their lawns and put plates in front of them at restaurants, not with illegal immigrants passing through their back yards at 3 a.m.

Uh. Yeah. Some of us actually have Hispanic friends. I actually went to college with some Hispanic people, if you can imagine that. They pretended to know how to read and everything.

George, you are a enormous piece of shit. Please figure out how to rape yourself.

And, no, I'm not linking to that douchebag's article because it will drive up hits.

Get Ready For A Dog Fuckers Protest

Florida is going to try to make beastiality illegal. Again. They've tried before but the bill always stalls out, unlike when they made gay marriage illegal and when they made it illegal for gays to adopt children.

The Florida Senate is taking another shot at passing the long overdue law prohibiting sex with animals.

The law, unanimously passed by the Senate on Monday, would make it a first-degree misdemeanor to commit bestiality, with a penalty of up to a year in jail.

The Senate had passed a similar bill last year, but it fizzled out before it came before the House. A House bill has a similar measure but it has yet to be debated.

Um. I'll vote on this but first I want to take my goat to Jacksonville for the weekend.

Dog fucking has become a serious problem in Florida, as you can see here.

We previously blogged about the Mossy Head guy.

And the woman who had sex with a dog -- and taped it.

Then there was the culinary student that had sex with his dog.

The the pit bull that was sexually assaulted. Yes, someone had sex with a pit bull.

And lastly, the the Palm Coast woman who adopted shelter dogs just so she could have sex with them.

Although, I gotta hand it to the lady who adopted dogs to fuck them. That's pretty awesome. Talk about wanting it.

Good luck, Florida! We're all hoping you are able to make hamster fucking as illegal as two people of the same sex getting married.

Apr 28, 2010

How To Do Government

Ukraine knows what the fuck is up. The country was debating whether to ratify an agreement to extend the lease on a Russian naval base on the Crimean Peninsula in Ukraine by 25 years.

Lawmakers pelted the podium with eggs and catcalls before stalking across the aisle, putting their colleagues in headlocks and engaging in other tactics not exactly covered by Robert’s Rules of Order. Smoke bombs were set off in the chamber. Glue was poured into voting machines. The legislative leader directed the session behind umbrellas held by his aides, to protect him from projectiles.

Ukraine the shit out of it!



As it should be.

Fox Gets Palined

It's like a tard ball bouncing all over the place. Palin, talking to Sean Hannity on Fox News last night:

"One of the media outlets the other day just-was killing me on this one, Sean, where they had a caption across their screen that said Arizona law will make it illegal to be an illegal immigrant? Some bizarre type of headline like that where it was just this illustration that they just don't get it."


Oh my God! What horrible, lame media company did that?


Oops.

Apr 26, 2010

Bad Thing

Our modern day media is an interesting thing. You get to know people all over the world and they become friends. You can do this through the internet or, in this instance, video games. There's a guy whom I originally knew as "Arctic Circle." We met while playing Halo and a few of us started teaming up every night to play together. As time goes on, you learn more and more about your fellow teammates. Arctic's real name is Chuck. He has three kids, two of them twins. He lived in Alaska near where the Earth spanned the horrible Sarah Palin.

A couple of days ago, one of our group sent me a message on XBox Live. Chuck had gone missing in the Alaskan wilderness. He went out snow machining and hasn't been seen since.

Chris would have been riding with his younger brother and the others on Saturday, but that morning the handlebar on his machine snapped.

The rest of the crew left him behind at the cabin where they were staying, roaring off with the brothers' stepfather leading the way and Chucky riding a machine he'd bought only recently.


"I'm usually the last rider out there to make sure nobody get left behind," Chris said, but on Saturday Chucky brought up the rear. The older men Chucky was following told troopers they last saw him riding away from the cabin in the opposite direction. Chris said he thinks it's more likely they simply ran too fast for Chucky to keep up.

Weather hammered the search from the beginning. A trooper helicopter could only get up in the air on some of the days, and deep wet snow made travel difficult for the searchers on snowmachines.

"We got over 28 inches of snow since the search started," said Sgt. Troy Shuey, supervisor of the trooper post in Talkeetna.

Chucky, whose full name is Charles Palmer Jr., leaves behind three daughters: a 9-year-old and twin 10-year-olds.

Chucky's father, Chuck Palmer Sr., said he sometimes wished he could have been the kind of caring father Chucky was. Chucky would comb his daughters' hair, read to them, just talk to them, Chuck said.

After riding the hills for days searching for his brother, Chris said he feels like he's barely keeping it together.

"My brother's out there fucking starving," Chris said. "How am I going to eat?"

On Wednesday night the brothers' mother, Lisa Rearick, was at her home in Wasilla. When asked about her middle son, she answered in a very small voice.

"We're still praying for a miracle. We haven't given up hope," she said.


Sounds like Chuck is gone. He was a really nice guy and a father of young kids. Very sad.

Step It Up

So, when do we make Mexicans wear little brown triangles on their shirts?

Let's just cut to the chase and get right down to some 1936 Germany shit.

Apr 22, 2010

Apr 21, 2010

No One Will Forget The Day Biden Lost His Shit



So sad. He just kept screaming about rabbits until the led him away.

Apr 19, 2010

Hey, Don't Do...What We Do. Or. Shit.

So, um, this is wrong when you do it.

Hundreds of Sunni men disappeared for months into a secret Baghdad prison under the jurisdiction of Prime Minister Nouri Maliki's military office, where many were routinely tortured until the country's Human Rights Ministry gained access to the facility, Iraqi officials say.


We get to torture. You don't. When you do it, it's wrong.

Okay?

Tea Party Photo Memories

The Tea Partiers decided to hold a protest on the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing. Classy. So, here's a pretty picture to illuminate what they believe in.



The children's pre-school is down at the bottom.

Today's Dumb Asshole Award Goes To...

Powerline! Never heard of this blog but it appears to be written by an amazingly misinformed idiot - or a straight up liar.

Remember when Democrats used to criticize George W. Bush for golfing at the wrong time? Maybe there was a crisis somewhere; maybe someone had died in combat; maybe legislation was being debated on the Hill. It didn't matter. Every time Bush golfed, the Democrats woofed. So it is interesting to see that Barack Obama went golfing today rather than attending the funeral of Polish President Lech Kaczynski and his wife, Maria. This is the 32nd time Obama has golfed since taking office less than a year and a half ago.


Wow. I can't believe our president didn't fly into the volcanic death cloud. What a total asshole. The best way to show your remorse for a president dying in a plane accident is to die in a plane accident.

Powerlie!

Crazy Man Allowed To Speak Into Microphone

I feel like they were asking for trouble when the Tea Partiers gave Tom Tancredo a microphone and said, "Have at it."

Tancredo, who ran for the Republican presidential nomination in 2008, said that Americans are "going to have to pray that we can hold on to this country."

He added, referring to President Obama: "If his wife says Kenya is his homeland, why don't we just send him back?"


Snap! Hey, let's send all the black people back! Who's with me? I mean, not in a racist way, more in like a "no taxes" way. Taxes are bad and a black man is running the show, so send him back to Africa. Am I right?

How dare you call me racist.

Apr 16, 2010

RIP Daryl Gates

You were one hell of a police chief. Los Angeles misses you.



Seriously, nice work.

Apr 15, 2010

Vote For Glenn Beck's New Book Cover!

Glenn has a new book coming out. It's called The Overtan Window. I'm sure it's about how liberals are going to dig up Lincoln's body and rape it but that's not the point. The point is, YOU can vote on which cover he should use!



Subtle. Not in any way creepy. Totally normal.

Apr 13, 2010

Limbaaaarg

Jesus, Rush Limbaugh is a relentless idiot. Today he opened his fat hole and spewed out some nonsense about the West Virginia mine disaster.

Was there no union responsibility for improving mine safety? Where was the union here? Where was the union? The union is generally holding these companies up demanding all kinds of safety. Why were these miners continuing to work in what apparently was an unsafe atmosphere?


I'm going to take a stab at this and say it was because the mine wasn't unionized. Which means, there was no union.

And that makes you a stupid, fat, drug addict, racist, sex freak, four-time divorced tool.

This is exactly the kind of shit that happens when mines aren't unionized. No one fights for their safety and they die.

Voight Breaks It Down



I can't imagine why Angelina Jolie stopped talking to him.

Apr 12, 2010

Bestest Candidate Nominee!!!

Meet Republican Senate candidate Sue Lowden. I love a lady who knows how to get a bargain! Especially when it comes to cancer treatment or sewing up a bleeding wound.



And if you want to save $20,000, good for you. Save it pre-tax."

"And I would have suggested, and I think that bartering is really good. Those doctors who you pay cash, you can barter, and that would get prices down in a hurry. And I would say go out, go ahead out and pay cash for whatever your medical needs are, and go ahead and barter with your doctor."


But, that's only IF you want to save 20K. If you don't want to, then just, you know, pay the $120,000 in cash.

Other options include trading some of your gold bars for that kidney you need, or hand over your box o'pearls for that iron lung. And for those emergency situations in which you find yourself unconscious, have a money roll implanted in your chest cavity so doctors will find it when they open you up.

Seriously, people, just think about it.

Sue Lowden, 2010. Money comes out of her asshole.

Not Sure If It's Too Late

But one of you should jump on this shit.

Apr 9, 2010

Apache Pilot Weapon Guide

Sausages and Black People





America is fucking fantastic.

hat tip - Mr. Patton Oswalt

Quitter

Wow.

Justice John Paul Stevens, a Republican-appointed justice who emerged as a leader of the Supreme Court's liberal wing over his 34-year tenure, announced his retirement Friday.

The announcement was not a surprise, but the timing was. Stevens, 89, was widely expected to wait until after the high court's oral arguments concluded at the end of the month. He will step down when the court's term ends in June or July.


Way to walk away when the going gets tough.

Coward.

Now, how much do you want to bet Obama picks a nominee that freaks out the right wing because he/she is "radically liberal" only to later learn the nominee is a corporate shill who will fuck us for generations? It's the standard Obama playbook. Put something conservative out there, wait for the right wing to freak out, then the left jumps up in defense and Obama chuckles as the country becomes more conservative nonsense passes through.

Apr 8, 2010

Fat Guy Mad At Stuff


So, this guy was upset. His name is Larry Eugene North and this is another reason not to name your child Larry Eugene.

An East Texas man who federal prosecutors allege left explosive devices including pipe bombs in multiple area mail boxes, was motivated in part by anger at the government, Brit Featherston, first assistant U. S. attorney for the Eastern District of Texas tells TPMmuckraker in a phone interview.

The AP, which reports that stories about explosives showing up in mail boxes began about a month ago, has more context:

The first reports of incendiary devices in mailboxes involved bottles containing flammable liquids and wicks, authorities said. Devices resembling pipe bombs then started turning up, which raised the sense of danger felt by 27-year-old Longview resident Robert Ziemba. One pipe bomb was found in a mailbox on a busy street in Longview.


Notice he didn't try to blow up any pies.



Jesus. Don't look it in the eyes.

Apr 6, 2010

Seriously?


With all the shit going on in the world, some fucking rabbit gets to meet the Pres.

Fuck that.

Who The Fuck Are You?


John Edwards' mistress will be appearing on Oprah during sweeps week!

The National Enquirer has learned that John Edwards mistress, Rielle Hunter will appear on Oprah Winfrey’s nationally-syndicated show in the May sweeps. It’s the second stop on the 2010 Rielle Hunter Mistress Rehabilitation Media Tour.


Oh my God! It's so exciting! When I read it I had to Google her because I didn't know who she was! And I don't care!

That vagina is earning its keep.

Apr 2, 2010

Really Great Guy

This gentleman was outside of the UCLA Health Center today screaming about abortion. He was pretty not enjoyable.



Of course, I approached him and asked him what he thought of all those football players who touch pigskin on the Sabbath. He did not seem to think it was a big deal.

Abortion is the slaughter of innocents. Jesus said not to slaughter innocents.


So, I asked him...

You must really be against the Iraq War, then?

His response: Abortion is the slaughter of innocents!

I queried: So, you must really, really be against the Iraq War.

His response: Abortion is the slaughter of innocents.


I then politely told him he was a hypocrite and full of shit and moved on.

Then he took a break and let his kid yell for a while.



Bestest Candidate Nominee!


They really know how to make them in Idaho. Governor hopeful Rex Rammel is, maybe, my favorite candidate of all time. A couple of years ago he joked about seeking a license to hunt Obama.

Oh, but that's nothing. A few years ago, Rex ran for the Senate. Out of spite. He was upset that then acting Governor Jim Risch had ordered some of Rammell's elk to be shot because they were unlicensed and could spread disease. Rammell actually held a sit in. ON TOP OF A DEAD ELK.

Rammell allegedly assaulted a young hunter for killing an escaped bull elk and was cited Sept. 29 for obstruction of justice after sitting on the carcass of a bull elk and refusing to get up when asked by conservation officers with the Idaho Department of Fish and Game.


Rammell was acquitted of the obstruction of justice charge. He successfully argued the dead elk was his property and he could do what he wanted with it. He does not, sadly, use a picture of himself lying atop a dead elk as his campaign photo.

So, what's Rammell up to today? He's loving the militia movement! (Fantastic timing!)

"It's because of the current administration's politics -- the more they force upon the states, the more noise there is," he says. "The more concern people have, the less freedom there is. Lots of Idahoans believe the health care bill is very intrusive on our individual rights. ... We are not going to allow them to come into the state and make what we believe are unconstitutional mandates. Even if they can get them passed in D.C., we are not going to all that to happen. These guys want to show a little force behind the scene... I don't have a problem with that."


Also, I'm running for Governor! Sedition and Dead Elk Sitting - Vote for Rammell!

Apr 1, 2010

OH, so good.

Future Drone Watch

I'll stick with my prediction that we will be using drones to attack the Mexican drug cartels before the end of the year.

Dozens of gunmen mounted rare and apparently coordinated attacks targeting two army garrisons in northern Mexico, touching off firefights that killed 18 attackers.

The attempts to blockade soldiers inside their bases – part of seven near-simultaneous attacks across two northern states – appeared to mark a serious escalation in Mexico's drug war, in which cartel gunmen attacked in unit-size forces armed with bulletproof vehicles, dozens of hand grenades and assault rifles.


Plus, I bet you can get a great vacation deal in Mexico right now.

God Damn Flipping Islands

I wish they would stop flipping over.



Do you know how stupid you have to be to think an island can capsize? Apparently that is not stupid enough to exclude you from being elected to the House.

Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA) everbody.